It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas everywhere you go...

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas everywhere you go..…but the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be on your own front door” is one of my favourite Christmas songs originally sung by Bing Crosby that reminds me not only of this celebratory time of the year but of those who are not here to share it. 
 
Last week one of my adoption clients said that for her, Christmas and the festive season is usually a time of sadness. However this year she said, “I am just going to embrace what I have and who I have in my life currently”. The ‘holly’ on her front door could be viewed as a metaphor being her intention to ‘see and let in the good’ that is just as valid as what’s absent. 
 
This has been a significant year for us in the adoption community. Many of you have contributed significantly to and in, the legislative and publicity area. Heartfelt thanks for your efforts. I personally am familiar with the toll that this can take on one’s emotional and psychological well-being, so please take a well-deserved break to restore yourselves over the holiday season. No doubt there will be more required of us in 2023 to progress the possibility of legislative change, reparation and support being made available. I am ever hopeful because each of these contribute immeasurably to our community’s healing.
 
I want to acknowledge those of you who I have had the privilege of partnering with on your healing and growth this year. I am constantly and deeply inspired by your courage in turning towards your pain as opposed to an ingrained reactive response of turning away and Self abandoning. Change is hard. In tapping into your innate strength you were able to witness, critique and reframe unedited and untrue beliefs stemming from adoption related trauma, family and social conditioning. Your courage and strength of mind sustaining you through this. It was an immense privilege to witness you transform your pain and anger into something worthwhile like understanding and compassion for yourself and others. It is a radical act and the reward is emancipation from the past and noticing the gentle opening of your hearts to ‘let in’ the love that is there for you.
 
There is a truly remarkable healing power in the felt experience of being fully seen, deeply heard and understood. Shared with permission, is an adopted person’s reflection of her recent transformation – 
 
“I've so appreciated the things I have learnt, the projection of my own baby, the recognition of triggers and getting more understanding of adoptive triggers verses just life triggers. It was my birthday yesterday and for the first time ever I felt compassion and connection with my birth mother recognizing it was that day where it was the last time I was literally connected then with her for the last time.... It felt huge. I am going to write to my birth mother and reconnect next year as I feel more ready".  
 
A number of adopted people have shared that they will be giving our book ‘Adopted’ to various members of their adopted and birth families. They expressed their hope that this book with its shared experiences from other members of the adoption community, will offer a vehicle to initiate a conversation that they have not felt able to have previously. Hearing this made my heart jump with joy! 
 
Another vehicle that may open up a conversation about the partner relationship experience is in watching this short video clip. It is of my husband Lawrie sharing his reflections on being in relationship with me that was filmed by TVNZ in July. It was originally intended to be part of the Sunday programme aired on 31st August but was not used.  

 
For those of you who joined our mailing list recently and would like some ideas on ways to be kind to yourself over the festive season see last December’s newsletter 
https://www.jowilliscoach.com/monthly-adoption-newsletter/the-best-christmas-gift-that-you-can-give-yourself
 
I will be taking a break from working with clients from 23rd December until 23rd January. Some of this time will be taking a restorative break, visiting our son Will and grandchildren Jack and Evie in Sydney. I will also be reflecting on my learnings this year and pondering where I can make my best contribution in 2023. 

The next newsletter will be in February 2023. May the holiday period be restful and restorative through doses of sunshine, connection and whatever else nourishes you. 
 
Warmest wishes to you and your whanaū for a Meri Kirihimete.